


But If You Meet A Friendly Horse

by revenblue



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Gossip, M/M, Morse Code, POV Third Person Epistolary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-11-04
Packaged: 2019-08-18 19:37:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16523348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revenblue/pseuds/revenblue
Summary: Agent F the Fox has something to say.





	But If You Meet A Friendly Horse

**Author's Note:**

> It's late but the plan was always to post this for Perryshmirtz Week so I'm doing it anyway *shifty eyes*  
> Perryshmirtz Week day 7: free day  
>  ~~I coulda counted it as day 5 but I didn't think of it until now so _that's_ too late.~~
> 
> ...Just read the bottom lines, the rest is there for flavour.

\-- Opened transmission on line 134 --

-.-. --.- / -.. . / ... ..--- .---- / -.-  
[CQ DE S21 K]  
Station 21 (Agent F) here, anyone want to talk?

... ..--- .---- / -.. . / ... ....- / -.--.  
[S21 DE S4 (]  
Hello Agent F, Station 4 (Agent H) here.

... ....- / -.. . / ... ..--- .---- / -...- / -.-. -. / .. / -... / ..-. .-. -. -.- ..--.. / -.--.  
[S4 DE S21 = CN I B FRNK? (]  
Can I be frank with you?

... ..--- .---- / -.. . / ... ....- / -...- / ..- .-. / .- .-.. .-- / ..-. .-. .- -. -.- / .-- / -- . / -...- / .-- - -.-. / -.--.  
[S21 DE S4 = UR ALW FRANK W ME = WTC (]  
You're always Frank with me. What's up?

... ....- / -.. . / ... ..--- .---- / -...- / -.-- / -.- .-- / .... .-. -.. .- --.. / .--. ..--.. / -.--.  
[S4 DE S21 = Y KW HRDAZ P? (]  
You know that hardass? P?

... ..--- .---- / -.. . / ... ....- / -...- / -.-. / -...- / ..- ...- / ... . -.. / .- -... / ..-. --- - --- / -...- / .-.. ..- ...- ... / ..-. .- -- / -...- / -. / -... --. / -.. .-.. / -.--.  
[S21 DE S4 = C = UV SED AB FOTO = LUVS FAM = N BG DL (]  
Yes, you've told me about his photos. Guy loves his family, no big deal.

... ....- / -.. . / ... ..--- .---- / -...- / .--. / .... / -. ..- / .---- / -.--.  
[S4 DE S21 = P H NU 1 (]  
He has a new one.

... ..--- .---- / -.. . / ... ....- / -...- / ..- / -.-. - / .--- ... / ... -.-- / - - / -.--.  
[S21 DE S4 = U CT JS SY TT (]  
You can't just say that and not explain.

... ....- / -.. . / ... ..--- .---- / -...- / -. -- ... / -.--.  
[S4 DE S21 = NMS (]  
His nemesis.

... ....- / -.. . / ... ..--- .---- / -...- / .. -.- .-. / -.--.  
[S4 DE S21 = IKR (]  
I know.

... ..--- .---- / -.. . / ... ....- / -...- / -. -- ... ..--.. / -.--.  
[S21 DE S4 = NMS? (]  
His nemesis.

... ....- / -.. . / ... ..--- .---- / -...- / .. -.- .-. .-.-.- / -.--.  
[S4 DE S21 = IKR. (]  
_I know._

... ....- / -.. . / ... ..--- .---- / -...- / .-- - .... / .--. / -...- / . ... .--. / ... -. -.-. / -.-- -.- / -...- / -.. --- --- ..-. / -.--.  
[S4 DE S21 = WTH P = ESP SNC YK = DOOF (]  
What the hell is P thinking? Especially since, you know... it's Doof.

... ..--- .---- / -.. . / ... ....- / -...- / -.. --- --- ..-. / -.--.  
[S21 DE S4 = DOOF (]  
Doof.

... ....- / -.. . / ... ..--- .---- / -...- / -.-- -.- / -...- / - --- .-.. / -...- / ... .-.. --- ..- -.-. .... / -...- / .--. .-.. .- -. - -.-- / - .-- - -.. / .... -- / --- -. -.-. / -.--.  
[S4 DE S21 = YK = TOL = SLOUCH = PLANTY TWTD HM ONC (]  
You know the guy. Tall, slouchy, Planty thwarted him once.

... ..--- .---- / -.. . / ... ....- / -...- / .. -.- / .-- --- / -...- / -.-. - / .... -.. .-.. / .-. ... - / -.--.  
[S21 DE S4 = IK WO = CT HDL RST (]  
I know who he is. It's the rest I can't handle.

... ..--- .---- / -.. . / ... ....- / -...- / ... .-. ... .-.. -.-- / -...- / -.. --- --- ..-. ..--.. / -...- / .--. / .-.. --- ... - / .. - / -.--.  
[S21 DE S4 = SRSLY = DOOF? = P LOST IT (]  
Seriously. Doof? P's lost it.

... ....- / -.. . / ... ..--- .---- / -...- / -..- .- -.-. -.-- / -.--.  
[S4 DE S21 = XACY (]  
Exactly my point.

... ..--- .---- / -.. . / ... ....- / -...- / --- .-. / - -.-- / .-. / -... --- .. -. -.- --. / -.--.  
[S21 DE S4 = OR TY R BOINKG (]  
Or they're boinking on the side.

... ....- / -.. . / ... ..--- .---- / -...- / --- / ..-. ..- / -...- / -- ..- ... - / -... / .. - / -...- / - -. -.- / .- -.-- / --. -.. / .. -. / -... . -.. ..--.. / -.--.  
[S4 DE S21 = O FU = MUST B IT = TNK AY GD IN BED? (]  
Oh fuck. That must be it. Think he's any good in bed?

... ..--- .---- / -.. . / ... ....- / -...- / .--. ..--.. / --- .-. / -.. --- --- ..-. ..--.. / -.--.  
[S21 DE S4 = P? OR DOOF? (]  
P? or Doof?

... ....- / -.. . / ... ..--- .---- / -...- / --- ..-. -.-. / -.. --- --- ..-. / -...- / .-- . / .-.. / -.- .-- / .--. / ... . -..- / --. --- -.. / -.--.  
[S4 DE S21 = OFC DOOF = WE L KW P SEX GOD (]  
Of course Doof. We all know P's a sex god.

... ..--- .---- / -.. . / ... ....- / -...- / .--- ... / -... -.-. / ..- / .-- .- -. -.- / -.--.  
[S21 DE S4 = JS BC U WANK (]  
Just because you jerk off.

... ....- / -.. . / ... ..--- .---- / -...- / .--- ... / -... -.-. / ..- / -.. - / -.--.  
[S4 DE S21 = JS BC U DT (]  
Just because you don't.

... ..--- .---- / -.. . / ... ....- / -...- / .-. -- . / -.--.  
[S21 DE S4 = RME (]  
I'm rolling my eyes, here.

... ..--- .---- / -.. . / ... ....- / -...- / -... ... .. -.. ... / -...- / -.. --- --- ..-. / .... / -.. .- ..- / -...- / -.-. -. - / -... / ..--- / -... -.. / -.--.  
[S21 DE S4 = BSIDS = DOOF H DAU = CNT B 2 BD (]  
Besides. Doof has a daughter, he can't be that bad.

... ....- / -.. . / ... ..--- .---- / -...- / ..- ...- / - .... --- - / .- -... / - ... / -.--.  
[S4 DE S21 = UV THOT AB TS (]  
You've thought about this.

... ..--- .---- / -.. . / ... ....- / -...- / .... . / -.. -.. - / -.-. -.-. .... / -..- .-- ..-. / .-- / .-.. ..- -.- ... / -.--.  
[S21 DE S4 = HE DDT CCH XWF W LUKS (]  
He didn't catch his ex-wife with his looks.

... ....- / -.. . / ... ..--- .---- / -...- / -. .-- / .-- --- / .-- .- -. -.- ... ..--.. / -.--.  
[S4 DE S21 = NW WO WANKS? (]  
Now who jerks off?

... ..--- .---- / -.. . / ... ....- / -...- / ... - ..-. ..- / -.--.  
[S21 DE S4 = STFU (]  
Shut up.

... ....- / -.. . / ... ..--- .---- / -...- / .... --- .-. .- -.-. . / . ... / -.. --- --- ..-. / ... .. - --. / .. -. / - .-. . / -.--.  
[S4 DE S21 = HORACE ES DOOF SITG IN TRE (]  
Horace and Doof, sitting in a tree.

... ..--- .---- / -.. . / ... ....- / -...- / ..- .-. / .- / -.-. .... -.. / -...- / .- .- -.-- / --. -.. / . -. ..- ..-. / ....- / .--. / --. -.. / . -. ..- ..-. / ....- / -- . / -.--.  
[S21 DE S4 = UR A CHD = AAY GD ENUF 4 P GD ENUF 4 ME (]  
You're such a child. Anyway, he's good enough for P, he's good enough for me.

... ....- / -.. . / ... ..--- .---- / -...- / --- / ..-. ..- / -...- / ..- / .-- . -. - / - .-. / -.--.  
[S4 DE S21 = O FU = U WENT TR (]  
Oh fuck. You went there.

... ..--- .---- / -.. . / ... ....- / -...- / .- -.-- -.-- .-.-.- / -.--.  
[S21 DE S4 = AYY. (]  
_Anyway._

... ..--- .---- / -.. . / ... ....- / -...- / .... ...- ..- / -.-. / .--. / .- - / -.. -... .-. ..-. ..--.. / -.--.  
[S21 DE S4 = HVU C P AT DBRF? (]  
Have you seen P at debrief?

... ....- / -.. . / ... ..--- .---- / -...- / ... .--- / -.-. -. --. / -.--.  
[S4 DE S21 = SJ CNG (]  
You're changing the subject.

... ....- / -.. . / ... ..--- .---- / -...- / -.-. / -...- / ... -- .. ..--.. / -.--.  
[S4 DE S21 = C = SMI? (]  
Yeah, I've seen him. With the smile, right?.

... ..--- .---- / -.. . / ... ....- / -...- / -.. . ..-. / --. - --. / ... ..- -- / -.--.  
[S21 DE S4 = DEF GTG SUM (]  
Definitely getting some.

... ..--- .---- / ... ....- / -.. . / ... .---- ....- / -...- / . .--- --- / ..- .-. ..-. ..--.. / -.-  
[S21 S4 DE S14 = EJO URF? K]  
F, H, Station 14 (Agent P) here. Enjoying yourselves?

-.. . / ... ....- / -.-. .-..  
[DE S4 CL]  
Agent H out.

-.. . / ... ..--- .---- / -.-. .-..  
[DE S21 CL]  
Agent F out.

\-- Closed transmission on line 134 --

**Author's Note:**

> Title and premise came from [The Fox](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W20gcM6_UtQ) by Ylvis. I've actually wanted to fic it for a while (I think I had vague intentions to add it into my NaNoWriMo 2016 attempt? which didn't happen but I still _wanted_ to), and a few weeks ago I figured out _how_. This is the result.
> 
> I actually went out of my way to research common morse code abbreviations etc for this too, for that Authentic™ feeling. (And found old books from like [1923](http://www.morsetelegraphclub.org/files/phillips.pdf) and [1947](https://people.duke.edu/~ng46/collections/evans-basic-english-1947.pdf) to consult for them.) And [a morse generator site](https://cryptii.com/pipes/morse-code-translator).
> 
> All errors in format are mine... or wikipedia's... ~~but probably mine, realistically~~.
> 
> Also see: [this headcanon](http://revenblue.tumblr.com/post/155556097959/katwrech-can-we-just-take-a-moment-here-and-talk) about Perry, which I adapted into this fic from vague and slightly inaccurate memory. (Hey, I remembered it as being about photos, not office small talk XD)


End file.
